I’ve been pretty emotional, trying to process everything as you’d expect. I think it’s a good sign though. For a while, I was like a deer in headlights. We both have hard days, but it feels like we’re a team. ALUM has met me with so much empathy, warmth, humility, accountability. I expected that right when he left SILA and wondered if he’d slowly revert back. It’s been the opposite so far. Each week seems better than the previous. He is constantly expressing his gratitude for SILA, his third week there (lol) and the amazing people.
I feel so humbled to have had this experience alongside him. You helped support me and make that possible and I am so grateful for you. I don’t know how to thank you, Jessica and Erin (SI:LA therapists) for the positive impact you had on me. It may seem small, but I felt so lost and you helped me find my strength again! I hope you are doing well and hope to see you at your next prodependence session!
Online Workgroup Alum
I see peace, joy, and motivation in my husband that I have not seen before or can remember. He seems to have a deeper understanding of himself and a real commitment to sobriety and health. He tells me he understands more about how he got to be an addict and how selfish and narcissistic he has been all his life, and how horrible he treated me and tried to control me. He also seems to not be holding on to shame as in the past, which is huge. It seems he sees his life with new eyes and a conviction to live differently going forward.
Admittedly, I was very skeptical that a two-week program would make a difference in my husband’s recovery process. When I heard there was a possibility of him staying the 3rd week before he went, I asked him (encouraged him) if he would stay longer (he was looking at a 30-day residential program as well). He was very reluctant and assumed he would only be at SI two weeks. Fortunately, he did end up staying a third week at SI after all. I was happy about that, but still wondered if 3 weeks would be enough dedicated time to doing deep work to make a real difference.
Of course, he is only back home for # months so time will tell if he sticks to his recovery plan. But honestly, he does seem different than before. I’m so glad he chose SI because the work he did and his interactions with you (Dr. Rob) at SI has impacted him. He lovingly recalls being “Robbed” and watching others get “Robbed” as some of his biggest aha’s and has expressed such gratitude for your confrontation (even though it was uncomfortable).
I’m happy to confirm he is doing his aftercare work. He’s scheduling meetings as a priority over his work appointments! That is HUGE.
I first learned about you (note written to Dr. Rob) and Prodependence about a couple years ago on a youtube video I stumbled upon while looking into codependency. This is long before SI was ever on my radar (or his). I was so moved by your video, I cried (I did a lot more crying back then). I bought your book immediately. I felt like you were the first therapist that saw betrayed partners differently and I felt like someone could see into my soul and understood me and how I felt. In my own recovery work the past couple of years, I have appreciated learning about Prodependence vs codependence so early on. The Codependency term is still too prevalent in the betrayal therapist world (in my opinion). Your information has helped me keep a healthier perspective on my struggle rather than feeling labeled as one who was of enabling/contributing/causing my spouse’s addiction and acting out. The last thing I wanted to hear in those early stages was that I somehow caused him to act out, especially since I didn’t know he was acting out for most of our years together. A classic addict, he was a master liar, and manipulator and led his double life VERY WELL. Since learning about you, many times I have referred my recovery classmates/group mates to your video and recommended the book and how it has helped me! I also finally found another Facebook betrayed partner’s recovery group embracing Prodependence!
Recently I started listening to the Sex, Love and Addiction podcasts. These have been so helpful for me too. Thank you. Recovery Therapy is expensive and a commitment we have made as an investment in ourselves and as a couple. I really appreciate the free expert resources, but I can’t tell you enough that every penny we spent for SI, seems to have been a worthy investment so far. And, it was an expenditure I actually knew about, had a say in, and approved of regarding his addiction and recovery. We will only know its true benefit if he takes hold and applies what he learned.
Last, once I learned the connection of you (Dr. Rob) to SI:LA and that you actually worked with the residents with your team, I had a little more hope knowing my husband was in excellent hands! For this, I am thankful and hopeful. His recovery is up to him, but it seems SI:LA has really helped him along in his long-term battle and pursuit of sobriety and recovery.
– SI Treatment, 9.14.21
– SI Treatment, 6.14.21
– SI Treatment, 5.10.21
– SI Treatment, 2.25.21
– Seeking Integrity Treatment, 2.11.21
– Seeking Integrity Treatment, 2.10.21
– Seeking Integrity Treatment, 2.8.21
– Seeking Integrity Treatment, 1.6.21
– Seeking Integrity Treatment, 10.17.20
– Seeking Integrity: Men’s treatment program, 10.16.20
– For Online Support session (betrayed partner), 8.10.20
– From Alumni SH, 7.22.20
I have learned tools to keep me safe from my addictive tendencies, and that my defenses are helping to keep me sick. I have learned to pause, and gain the presence of mind to make a good decision. And I have laid the foundation such that I believe will last for long-term recovery.
Most of all, I came to believe that I’ve done some monstrous things, but I’m not a monster; that I deserve to be sober and to heal; that I am enough; that I can be a great husband and father; that I like myself!
To therapy staff: Thank you, thank you; a thousand time, thank you. The safe space created by you all (the staff) allowed me to delve into secrets I thought I would take to my grave, and I began to relieve some of the shame that fueled my addiction. In just a matter of days, you turned around my perspective and gave me hope for myself and my marriage. You pushed me when I needed it, and you inspired me to do the work I need to do in order to heal. I believe I can fight this addiction now, and I’m able to appreciate what’s at stake. I can’t express my gratitude enough.
You have helped me to find integrity, and given me the tools to start living as a complete person again.
– Alumni JC, 2.14.20
I wish I could stay longer and receive more! Karen, you were tough on me, but I desperately needed it.
I’m going to take the program and all the experiences, all the things you guys shared with me. Although the program of recovery is just starting for me, I’ve gained the knowledge and experiences at SI:LA to gain victory over this disease. But I know I cannot do it alone now!
– Alumni ED, 2.21.20
– Alumni TT, 2.17.20
is one) and the clinician, which is huge for me!
– Amy Bloom, LICSW, CSAT, CMAT, 2.7.20
– Michelle Holloman, MS, LCAS-A, CSAT-C
– Michelle Holloman, MS, LCAS-A, CSAT-C, 2.4.20
I sought help at another facility and wound up not receiving that help. What happened was they had a separate program for sex addiction and mental health but I got lumped in with drugs and alcohol. I really did try to get as much from that program as I could but it was not geared toward my particular issues. So I left, with disastrous consequences. Now I am not sure if I am in a divorce or just a separation. I wish there was a way for me to undo this situation.
– Nan Tilbury, LPC, CSAT, Certified Daring Way Facilitator, 11.26.19
In the time leading up to the workshop I was pretty skeptical that this could work. I was in so much pain and had already been in therapy for months to no avail. But I can honestly say that those three days with Paul and Karen completely changed the trajectory of our marriage and our healing. I came away with tools to help me when I start to despair or “spiral” as I call it. Actual concrete things to do when my mind won’t turn off or my emotions get the best of me. I never felt blamed, shamed or anything other than fully supported the entire time and the ideas of co-dependence and co-addict are now erased from my vocabulary! My husband and I have completely committed to one another and are renewing our vows as a fresh start. I know things will not be easy, life with an addict rarely is, but with the skills we were taught during the workshop I feel more positive and hopeful than ever. I am very grateful that this program exists and encourage anyone who wants to begin to repair their marriage to give it a try.
Exercises and sessions allowed me to get in touch with my emotions, trauma, and enmeshment, examining personal experiences that had been locked deep inside of me. My feeling of shame began to wash into guilt and sadness. These are more constructive emotions that I can learn from, work with, and own. The toolset from the team has proven to be extremely valuable as I move along my path to recovery.
We also attended 12-step meetings and the power of humility, honesty, and connection was clearly evident.
Upon return, finding a great sponsor and working the steps, meeting regularly with my home group have given me access to the experience, strength, and hope that I need to stay sober.
The group of us who attended SI stay in touch weekly or even daily, as we are deeply connected and more that willing to check in and help each other.
I will always be grateful!