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Healing After Betrayal

If you’re like most betrayed partners, the worst part of the cheating is not the actual sexual or romantic behaviors your partner engaged in. The worst part is the loss of relationship trust. You love your partner and you want to trust them, but after finding out that they cheated on you, it’s almost impossible to believe a single thing they say or do.

Enduring the Crazy

After discovery of betrayal, betrayed partners often feel like they’re going crazy. One moment they love your partner as much as ever; the next moment they can’t stand the sight of them.

If you’re like most betrayed partners, you can expect this craziness to continue for a lot longer than you would like. Usually, it takes at least a year before your relationship will start to feel normal again – and that’s if your cheating partner gets honest with you, makes the necessary behavior changes, and stays honest with you.

If their personal process of healing progresses in fits and starts, the process of relationship healing will also progress in fits and starts.

Tips for Healing

As you begin the process of rebuilding trust and intimacy, we suggest the following:

  • Put your relationship into a safe harbor for at least six months. When you are in the heat of pain and mistrust, that’s not a great time to make life-altering decisions.
  • During the process of healing, do not rely on your partner as your primary source of emotional support. Instead, turn to a therapist, friends, or empathetic family members.
  • Take a time-out from sex. Sure, it may feel like make-up sex is the best sex the two of you have ever had, but sex is not relationship glue.

Support from Seeking Integrity

Rather obviously, your cheating partner has a lot to work on. They will need to start therapy, identify and change their problem behaviors, overcome their denial, and become fully honest with you. They will also need to understand and feel the pain they have caused you.

But what about you? You’re not the one who caused this mess, so you may wonder why you should reach out for help. And you’re absolutely right to have those thoughts. You aren’t the one with the addiction, but you’ve been hurt, very badly, and youdeserve some knowledgeable, empathetic support.

Free support for betrayed partners can be found on the website. Low-cost online workgroups for betrayed partners are available at this link.

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