Ninety-one percent of men report having used porn in the last month. 

The reality is, while porn use is common, it can also be a point of tension and pain in a relationship. A betrayal doesn’t have to mean romantic involvement with someone else – it can be a broken promise or an unfulfilled commitment.

When your partner has promised to cut back on their porn use, but tries to hide it instead, your feelings of hurt and betrayal are valid. Yet at times, they may genuinely feel they are unable to stop. 

At Seeking Integrity, we specialize in treating porn addiction, and we see this all the time. So today, we’re going to talk about porn addiction, the ways it affects relationships, and what you can do about it.

Is Porn Addiction Real?

When people hear the term “addiction”, they often think of substance use. They think of opioids like heroin or prescription pain pills. For many, the idea porn addiction seems impossible, a made-up condition to excuse poor self control. But porn addiction is real. And its consequences can be just as impactful as any substance use disorder.

Porn addiction can take many different shapes for different people. Yet whatever the specifics, it will often go through the same key stages as other compulsive sexual behavioral disorders (CSBD). These stages, broadly speaking, are as follows:

• Triggers. Triggers are anything that brings the desire to consume porn. These can be an emotion, such as anger or happiness. Or, they can be specific sounds or events, like getting off from work or listening to music.
• Fantasy. During this phase, porn begins to take over more and more of their daily thoughts, becoming a preoccupation and an obsession. Your partner might think about the porn they will watch, or imagine the actions happening to themselves. They might plan out their time in advance, setting aside hours or even days.
• Ritualization. Here, fantasies have come to a head, and begin to mix with reality. Your partner might purchase sex toys, open porn sites even at inappropriate locations or times, and buy expensive porn.
• Acting out. In this stage, your partner acts out on their addiction. Here, they can spend hours or even days binging porn: watching it, listening to it, or reading it. Contrary to popular belief, the “release” from watching porn is not the key point of the addiction – rather, the pleasure comes primarily from the ritualization and fantasy of it. 
• Avoidance & Despair. While sometimes broken into two separate phases, here the individual begins to avoid or retreat from their porn use. It’s common for them to experience shame or regret after orgasm. They may delete their porn history, avoid those websites, and swear never to use porn again. This lasts until the triggers begin to mount, and the compulsions begin again. 

The Impact of Porn Addiction

Porn addiction may sound easy to escape. After all, you can always turn off the phone or the computer. Yet in some ways, it posts even greater challenges than many substance use disorders. Unlike someone who takes illicit drugs, you often can’t avoid going online. In the modern digital world, computers and internet access are everywhere. More than that, they are necessary.

Some of the key hallmarks of porn addiction are the lack of control and the overpowering obsession that can occur. Many individuals grow completely preoccupied with porn, to the point it overtakes their life and has severe negative consequences. These are felt not only in the individual’s mental health, but their relationships as well.

Issues With Work or Other Responsibilities

Porn addiction may start small, but it can quickly spiral out of control. Many who live with porn addiction spend hours each day fantasizing about or watching porn. It can lead to their work and life obligations falling to the wayside.

This can manifest itself as difficulty staying focused, someone constantly checking their phone or making excuses to go watch porn. It might also lead to watching porn at inappropriate times or in settings where they might be caught. Like any addiction, the compulsion to watch porn can lead to missed work or other negative consequences.

Relationship Problems

Porn use is not necessarily a form of cheating. Yet when your partner tries to hide their behavior, or lies about their use of porn, this can feel like a stark betrayal of your trust, a violation of your relationship.

One of the most common problems we see at Seeking Integrity is the relationship issues porn addiction can cause. Any addiction can put strain on a relationship. Yet with porn, partners are often hurt at a more intimate level. This can lead to a major rift between you and your loved one, as they hide their behavior, causing you to feel betrayed and hurt all the more.

Problems With Your Sex Life

Research suggests that men who consume large amounts of porn often have lower-quality sex lives. Not only is sex less enjoyable, their partners tend to be less happy as well. And indeed, porn addiction can take this to the next level.

As someone watches more and more porn, they can become desensitized to their partner or sex in general, finding it more difficult to become aroused without porn. All in all, sexual confidence tends to be lower, as does performance and overall satisfaction.

Lack of Interest in Non-Porn Activities

A common feature of addictions of all kinds is the central role it can play in life. Those who are living with addiction often find themselves uninterested in other activities, spending more time thinking about and fantasizing about what they will do next. With porn, this is particularly common, as it is so readily available at all times of the day.

Self-Isolation

Self-isolation is a key sign of any addiction, and has troubling implications for long-term mental and emotional wellbeing. This can manifest itself as spending time away from previous hobbies or friends, avoiding things your partner once loved. Often, it can be accompanied by secretive behaviors or excuses.

With porn use, this might also look like spending many hours alone in their room or the bathroom. This is not necessarily just due to watching porn, but may result from other emotional symptoms of addiction, such as feelings of isolation or depression.

Mental Health Conditions

Porn addiction often has a serious negative impact on mental health, either worsening existing conditions or leading to the development of new ones. 

Depression is strongly linked to addiction of all kinds, and porn is no exception. Anxiety and other mood disorders can result, particularly if porn has negative impacts on other areas of your partner’s life. Social isolation from porn use can contribute further to these feelings, and the dopamine dysfunction from the frequent fantasies may lead to difficulties experiencing happiness or pleasure.

These mental health conditions can create a feedback loop, with the negative emotions triggering the initial cycle of porn addiction. This often only leads to more porn use, and a deepening spiral of the underlying addiction. 

Seek Porn Addiction Treatment in Sherman Oaks, California

While porn addiction is treatable, it often requires a specialist approach. Many traditional treatment centers and philosophies don’t suit those who are living with a compulsive sexual behavior disorder like porn addiction. But know that help for porn addiction is available, and your partner doesn’t have to go through this cycle forever. 

At Seeking Integrity, our industry-leading porn addiction treatment team is here to help. Our specialists bring a modern approach to sex and porn addiction, combining science-based techniques with our time-tested experience and wisdom. Our mission is to not only help your loved one get back on their feet, but to give them the tools to renew your relationship and their life. Connect with us today at 747-234-4325 , or through our website.

Integrity. Expertise. Recovery.

FAQs

Q: Is porn addiction real?

A: Yes, porn addiction is a very real condition and serious issue. While not officially recognized in the DSM-V diagnostic handbook, it is widely recognized by mental health professionals. 

Q: Does watching porn count as cheating?

A: Cheating, or infidelity, is a betrayal of trust by a romantic partner. This means that watching porn by itself is not necessarily cheating. However, if a partner lies or hides their porn use from a partner, then it may be a breach of that trust, and could be considered infidelity.