Infidelity often creates the experience of trauma for betrayed partners.

The betrayal of a partner or loved one often results in more than just heartbreak. It leads to very real feelings of trauma, and its consequences can echo forward for years.

At Seeking Integrity, as relationship and sex addiction experts, we know what this is like. Many of the betrayed partners of our clients live with extreme trauma every day, and a huge part of what we do is help them understand and begin to heal those wounds. This begins with empathy and education. Today, we’re going to examine the symptoms of betrayal trauma, while also discussing what you can do about it.

What Is Betrayal Trauma?

Betrayal trauma is almost universally experienced when there is a violation of trust in an intimate or close relationship. The most common example occurs with infidelity, but this trauma can result from betrayals of any kind – including interpersonal violence, lying, or emotional abuse. These experiences lead to intensely negative emotions, which can result in both short-term and long-term trauma.

This trauma happens because our brains are wired to remember and react strongly to threats. When relational betrayal occurs, the brain will ingrain not only the memory but the surrounding emotions and physical sensations. Every time the memories are triggered, the pain is also triggered, resulting in persistent emotional scars. Moreover, these memories can be triggered by the environment, surrounding events, internal thoughts, and various emotions.

Many people who experience feelings related to betrayal trauma will diminish them, thinking what they’re feeling is silly or unimportant. But betrayal trauma is both real and valid. It can leave individuals feeling broken, with their confidence and ability to connect shattered. 

If you or a loved one experience feelings of betrayal trauma, those feelings are not crazy. More importantly, you should know that healing is possible.

What Causes Betrayal Trauma?

While betrayal trauma can result from a variety of situations, there are two broad timeframes in which it might develop: childhood and adulthood. 

Childhood Trauma

Betrayal trauma doesn’t just stem from recent experience. Trauma can stretch back years, and childhood betrayals can impact your life far down the road. Such traumas can be the result of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse. In some instances, the betrayal incident itself may be forgotten, and many who experience childhood trauma downplay the feelings and emotions as a coping mechanism.

Adulthood Trauma

As with childhood trauma, adult trauma can take multiple forms, such as physical or emotional abuse. However, betrayal trauma related to infidelity is one of the most common forms of betrayal trauma in adulthood. When a partner betrays you, it is more than just a violation of trust. It can shake your worldview, leaving you suddenly feeling uncertain and scared of the future. These emotions only compound the closer and more integrated your life is with your partner. Furthermore, this trauma can extend from past relationships, affecting you months or years down the road.

 

Signs and Symptoms of Betrayal Trauma

Trauma symptoms will take a different form for every individual, and your experiences will be unique to you. However, some symptoms are common to pretty much everyone with betrayal trauma.

• You may experience overwhelming and erratic emotions – one moment you love them the same as ever, and the next you are furious, afraid, or hurt. 
• You can find yourself suspicious of their actions or motives, feeling a need to check their internet history, email accounts, or locations. 
• You might find it hard to open up, expressing your thoughts or feelings. An inability to be vulnerable is a sign that your trust has been damaged and needs to be rebuilt. These difficulties can appear not only with your partner, but others in your life as well.

These feelings and behaviors can last for months or even years after the betrayal, as it takes time and effort to fully process trauma.

The Impact of Betrayal Trauma

The impact of betrayal trauma is felt in both the short and long term, and across many aspects of life.

Unaddressed trauma can lead to serious psychological problems. Depression, anxiety, and mental health conditions are strongly linked with trauma, as are substance use disorders and other addictions. Memory problems, cognitive decline, and difficulties with focus and attention may occur if left untreated. Panic attacks, insomnia, and intrusive images or thoughts are also possible.

Trauma increases stress levels, which may contribute to a variety of physical health problems. Trauma has been linked to heart disease, as well as overall poor health. Fatigue, headaches, and muscle pain may occur. Other physical symptoms might include sexual dysfunction or a lack of sex drive. While more research is needed to determine the specific role trauma plays on health, its impact can be extensive.

Betrayal Trauma vs. PTSD

While betrayal trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are closely linked, they are separate conditions. Betrayal trauma stems from a violation of trust, while PTSD can occur as a response to any traumatic experience. Betrayal trauma can lead to PTSD, and PTSD can worsen the symptoms of betrayal trauma. The two conditions may feed off one another, making treatment complex, requiring a dual diagnosis approach. 

Learning to Live with Betrayal Trauma

If you are living with trauma from betrayal, it can feel like you’re going crazy. You love your partner, but those feelings can suddenly vanish, leaving you cold, lonely, and scared. While trauma can take professional help to overcome, there are several tools you can use to help in your daily life.

If the betrayal is recent, take time to process your emotions. Acknowledge the betrayal but don’t immediately dismantle your relationship. It is important to not make major decisions in the middle of pain, anger, and sadness. 

Tools like journaling can help you connect with your emotions and process your feelings, providing an outlet to ground you in the present, as well as insight into your own state of mind. What you journal can be directly related to your trauma, reflecting on your past experiences, or simply reflections on your day-to-day life. Either way, journaling is a proven and effective tool.

It is equally important to develop a support network beyond the person who caused your trauma. You can find such support with friends, relatives, or a trusted therapist. Developing a support network is a crucial step toward developing and growing past your traumatic experience.

How Can You Help a Loved One With Betrayal Trauma?

If you have betrayed your partner, developing and enhancing empathy for them is critical. If you have been unfaithful, this step is particularly vital, since a lack of empathy is sometimes a component of infidelity. Listen to their experiences, aiming to understand things from their point of view. This will allow you to understand and connect with their feelings and perspective, equipping you to offer the support they truly need.

Once empathy is established, it’s necessary to work on building trust. The goal of this honesty is helping your partner feel safe in their relationship with you. Focus on providing an environment and outlet where they are comfortable being vulnerable, able to express themselves openly without fear. Those who are experiencing betrayal trauma often have difficulty connecting with people they logically know care about them, so don’t be frustrated if this process takes time.

Recovering From Betrayal Trauma in Sherman Oaks, California

When you are living with trauma from a betrayal, it can be heartbreaking. You’ve done everything you can, but nothing seems to help. All you want to do is connect with your partner and feel as if everything is okay again, but your own mind seems to fight with you. It can take a toll on your mental and physical health, and it may seem like you – and your relationship – will never recover. 

If your trauma persists over time, it may be necessary to seek professional help, experts who can help with the process of healing from betrayal trauma. Recovery can be a long and sometimes difficult process. But you don’t have to go through it alone.

At Seeking Integrity, our industry-leading experts are here to help. Our staff are master’s and PhD level clinicians who specialize in sex addiction and related issues like betrayal trauma, and we serve clients from across the globe. Recovery is always possible. To find out how, connect with us today at 747-234-4325, or through our website’s contact page.

Integrity. Expertise. Recovery.

FAQs

Q: Can you get PTSD from betrayal trauma?

A: Yes, post-traumatic stress disorder can result from betrayal trauma. A betrayal of trust from a loved one can be just as emotionally damaging and disruptive as violence or abuse. Many of the symptoms between the two align, and it can be important to seek professional treatment.

Q: How can I help my spouse with betrayal trauma?

A: The first step is to focus on empathy. Working to understand their feelings and perspective is of critical importance. Without this, nothing else will be effective. Afterward, you can begin repairing trust and other aspects of the relationship.