Eli Wayne

Recovery is a journey, and for most of us, the road is paved not with asphalt but cobblestone. It’s a bumpy ride. Especially early on.

When people ask me for advice about staying sober in their first year of recovery, I always share my own experience about how important it is to “protect your neck.” I often receive confused looks, which is totally understandable.

When I say “protect your neck,” I mean that we need to stay out of situations that could lead us toward relapse. In other words, we need to stay away from people, places, and things that could chop the head off our recovery.

This, unfortunately, is easier said than done. Once we return to life, whether that be after an extended stay in a treatment setting, heavy meeting regimens, or being institutionalized, it is easy to place ourselves in situations that may be to our detriment.

I’ll use myself as an example. After sobering up and participating in the recovery process, I had a new lease on life. The world around me had changed in my eyes (really, I was the one changing), and everything was new and exciting. My desire to thrust myself into social situations and make up for all those lost years was immense. But some of those social situations were dangerous for me.

In recovery, we are encouraged to have “smart feet.” Smart feet is a term used often in recovery communities. It refers to recognizing and exiting situations that might be detrimental to our sobriety. We may be at a party with friends, at a restaurant, or in an old neighborhood we used to act out in, and our defense against relapse may lessen. The environmental and social pressures we feel in these situations can be overwhelming, and euphoric recall can activate. These factors can push us towards one bad decision. And all it takes to relapse is one bad decision in a moment of weakness.

If there is anything I did well in my first years of recovery, it was learning to be honest and true with how I feel in any given situation. If I feel uncomfortable in a situation, my heart rate goes up, my thoughts begin to race, and fixation kicks in. Sitting in discomfort for the sake of saving face or wanting to be “part of” is not the answer. The answer is to protect my neck by exiting the situation as gracefully as I can.

This can be a hard choice to make for some of us. On the one hand, we have our lives back, and we want to indulge in activities we missed out on due to our addiction. On the other hand, as an addict in early recovery, we can be easily tempted into relapse. My first sponsor explained to me very bluntly, “I am here to help, but your recovery is your responsibility.” What he meant by that was that the smart feet that will keep me sober are my own. It’s up to me to protect my own neck.

Society is not accommodating to recovery. Recovering people are not the majority, and we cannot ask the entire world to change on our behalf. With this truth in mind, my early years of recovery were built around the fact that accountability for my sobriety comes from me. Cutting off old addiction friends, staying away from areas I used to “run and gun” in, and changing my phone number were just a few of the actions I took to protect my neck.

I always suggest to newcomers to create a life that is conducive to sobriety. Creating a life practice that puts one’s sobriety first will typically remove temptations and situations that could lead us back to our old ways. This involves making good decisions about who we hang out with and how we socialize.

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If you or a loved one are struggling with sex or porn addiction, Seeking Integrity can help. In addition to residential rehab, we offer low-cost online workgroups for male sex addicts and male porn addicts new to recovery. Click HERE for information on our Sex Addiction Workgroup. Click HERE for information on our Porn Addiction workgroup.