Cheating on a partner is widely recognized as a breach of trust that can deeply hurt the person you care about. Engaging in this behavior, despite knowing it is going to cause turmoil, often leads to self-reflection and questions about the underlying reasons for these actions. In some cases, individuals may even consider whether genetic factors play a role in their behavior.
The answer is more complicated than you might think. One study suggests that people with weaker dopamine receptors are as much as 50% more likely to report cheating than people with stronger dopamine receptors. But genetics certainly aren’t the only factor when it comes to infidelity.
At Seeking Recovery, we know how important it is to have support when recovering from the impact of chronic infidelity. That’s why we provide a world-class aftercare program with weekly alumni meetings that people travel from across the world to attend when they need support.
Whether you’re just now trying to understand your behavior or you’ve been trying to change for a long time, understanding the “why” can be crucial to moving forward. So, let’s get into the genetic factor in cheating.
The Link Between Genetics and Infidelity: What’s The Connection?
The relationship between genetics and behavior is not black and white. There is no “cheating gene,” but your genes can leave you with a tendency to behave a certain way.
Generally speaking, your genes influence your behavior but they don’t necessarily “cause” behavior. Just like your genetics make you more or less likely to have a mental health condition, your genes make you more or less likely to cheat.
We also have a growing understanding of epigenetics, which helps explain sex addiction and other compulsive behaviors. Epigenetics explains how environmental and behavioral factors can change the way a person’s genes are expressed. This means that the experiences you go through, especially in childhood, decide whether or not certain genes get expressed throughout your life. What genes are and are not expressed impacts your predisposition toward many compulsive behaviors, including sex addiction.
Essentially, your genes do play a role in your behavior. They impact the way your body responds to chemicals and what your basic impulses are. But your genetic makeup does not make you cheat. Cheating is a choice.
Hormones and Bonding: How Chemicals Connect Us
There are a few “feel-good” hormones that play a role in how people connect. The two that play the biggest role in sexual encounters are oxytocin and dopamine.
Oxytocin is a major factor in human connection. It is sometimes known as the “love hormone” or “cuddle chemical” because of the role it plays in physical intimacy.
Oxytocin is produced in large amounts during sexual intercourse. But it’s not just about sex. Other forms of physical intimacy like cuddling or massage produce oxytocin. This hormone helps us develop a sense of intimacy and trust with one another. In addition to bonding, it makes you feel relaxed and at ease; it is one of the hormones that make sex so pleasurable.
Women naturally have higher oxytocin levels than men, because of the role the chemical plays in pregnancy and childbirth. For men, oxytocin plays a large role in ejaculation and sperm production.
Dopamine is another bonding hormone that plays a major role in physical intimacy. It’s released when you do things you enjoy, from spending time with friends to eating. Sex also releases a lot of dopamine.
This hormone activates the reward system in your brain. Because of the way dopamine impacts the brain’s reward center, it encourages you to repeat the behaviors that produce it. As a result, dopamine is strongly associated with addictive behavior, including sex addiction.
Dopamine and Risky Behavior: When Adventure Feels Good
Current research suggests that dopamine receptors are the biggest genetic factor in whether or not you will cheat. People with what’s known as a “D4” dopamine receptor gene variant have weaker dopamine receptors than the general population.
People with the D4 variant need much more dopamine to feel its effects. The dopamine that someone with typical dopamine receptors feels from eating our favorite candy bar, someone with the D4 variant would get from something more extreme, like gambling.
The higher threshold for dopamine makes them more likely to participate in thrill-seeking activities. One study found that people with the D4 variant were as much as 50% more likely to report having cheated in a relationship. This suggests that for these individuals, cheating is about excitement and novelty more than anything else.
In an article discussing the way that the D4 gene impacts the likelihood of cheating, Seeking Integrity’s founding director Dr. Robert Weiss is quoted saying:
“Plenty of people are genetically predisposed toward alcoholism, but only a small percentage become alcoholic because many other factors are in play (environment, self-will, life experience, resiliency to turmoil, etc.). The same is true with a genetic predisposition toward infidelity and promiscuity; other factors are in play. Regardless of our genetics, we maintain free will when it comes to sexual behaviors. We always have a choice.”
How Cheating Can Be Picked Up From Family: Repeating Old Patterns
It’s not just genes that you inherit from your parents. You also spend the most formative years of your life with them. Your family is where you learn about how the world works and how people interact. This can have just as much or more impact on the way you behave as your genetics do.
Cheating is a learned behavior. If you grew up in a household where cheating was part of your parent’s relationship(s), then cheating was normalized for you. This means cheating seems like a normal part of the highs and lows of a relationship.
Sometimes, even if cheating wasn’t a part of your family dynamic, other factors from early childhood impact your likelihood of having an affair. For example, hypersexuality occurs as a result of childhood sexual trauma. Neglect in your early life also leads to low self-esteem, and you may look for affirmation from sexual partners well into adulthood.
The good news about infidelity being a learned behavior is that it can be changed. Speaking to a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT) will give you insight into your behaviors and motivations. You will be able to work through any trauma that impacts sex addiction.
Your Genetics Are Not Your Destiny: Taking Control of Your Life
Even if you do have a genetic predisposition for risk-seeking behavior, or weaker dopamine receptors that make it more difficult to experience pleasure, that does not mean that you have to cheat on your partner.
While these factors increase the likelihood that you’ll cheat, you are not predestined to have affairs. You get to make your own choices. These decisions have a major impact on your life, your partner, and your family. You cannot blame genetics for the pain you have inflicted on the people you love.
If you want to change your ways, you have to decide to do so. No one can do that for you, but there are steps you can take to avoid infidelity and improve your behavior.
Some ways to reduce your risk of cheating include:
- Open communication with your spouse
- Clearly defining the boundaries of what is and isn’t allowed in your relationship
- Avoiding situations where you are tempted to cheat
- Be intimate with your partner regularly, emotionally and physically
- Start therapy for sex addiction
It is important to stay accountable for your actions. Even if you have cheated in the past, you have the power to change. Your genetics are just one factor. You need to take the necessary steps to improve yourself and your relationship.
Seeking Help for Infidelity in Southern California
Regardless of your genetics, your behavior is within your control. That being said, many people who have cheated repeatedly need chronic infidelity help. In therapy, you can learn how to change the patterns that lead to cheating behaviors and come up with healthy alternatives so that you can have a safe, loving relationship with your spouse.
At Seeking Integrity, our industry-leading experts are ready to help. Our staff are master’s and PhD-level clinicians who specialize in sex addiction and related issues like betrayal trauma, and we serve clients from across the globe. Recovery is always within reach. To find out how, connect with us today at 1-747-234-4325, or through our website’s contact page.
Integrity. Expertise. Recovery.