Several months ago, Dr. Rob Weiss was invited to speak about sex and porn addiction at an Australian public health conference. When he got there, he unwittingly (and unhappily) found himself in the middle of what he and I sometimes refer to as The Great Porn Debate. There are two basic sides in this debate, and they are diametrically opposed with no room for compromise. One group says porn is the root of all evil and must be completely and totally abolished. The other group says porn is the best thing since sliced bread and people who feel otherwise are just uptight.
At Seeking Integrity, this is a debate we try to avoid. Our focus is not on whether porn is good or bad or, as some states have decreed, a public health crisis. Instead, we turn our attention to the individuals who struggle with compulsive/addictive porn use – and we do so without judging either pornography or its usage. We are here to help those in need. Period. We are neither porn advocates nor the sex police, nor do we care to be.
Nevertheless, The Great Porn Debate rages on, with one side claiming that we’re all going to hell in a handbasket thanks to porn, and the other side claiming that people who argue that porn is ever in any way problematic are perpetuating fake news. Interestingly, neither side seems interested in scientific research about how porn is created, how porn is used, and how it impacts the people who appear in it and the people who use it.
Anti-porn activists pepper their arguments with a strange mix of hardcore feminism and conservative religion and politics. (Is there any other issue that puts ardent feminists and staunch conservatives on the same team?) Meanwhile, pro-porn activists, including at least one reasonably well-known therapist who is employed by a porn/webcam site, seem to argue that all sexual behavior is good sexual behavior, no matter what.
The reality of porn and its usage, as evidenced by extensive clinical experience and scholarly research, is somewhere in the middle – akin to how we think about alcohol. Alcohol is not a problem for most of the people who use it, and neither is pornography. However, alcohol can become a serious issue for some of the people who use it, as can pornography. That is how we approach The Great Porn Debate at Seeking Integrity. We understand and accept that porn is not an issue for most people, but for some it can become compulsive/addictive, and that people who are compulsive with or addicted to porn can be helped – without the imposition of personal opinions or beliefs about the good and bad of pornography itself.
When people are struggling with alcoholism, therapists try to help them overcome their problem. They don’t bother judging or moralizing about alcohol, because that’s not the issue the client needs help with. At Seeking Integrity, the same is true with pornography addiction. We treat the addiction, and we leave the debate to the extremists who care to fight it.
If you or someone you love is struggling with compulsive or addictive porn use, treatment is available at Seeking Integrity: Los Angeles. Free resources can be found on our SexandRelationshipHealing.com website.