Dr. David Fawcett
Sex addiction mirrors substance addiction in several important ways. As noted earlier, there is an obsession or preoccupation with obtaining, using, or recovering from the behavior. There is also a loss of control, typically indicated by multiple unsuccessful efforts to control or stop the behavior. Finally, there is a continuation of the behavior despite adverse consequences.
Significantly, sex addiction treatment pioneer Patrick Carnes and others have observed that sexual addiction is not a replacement for or a cause of substance addiction. Nor does substance addiction replace or cause sex addiction, as many seem to believe, due to decreased inhibition when intoxicated. Instead, substance and sex addictions are separate disorders until they fuse and become a single, co-occurring addiction. That process takes time, however. In the beginning, they are separate disorders.
As the science of brain functioning has evolved, it has become clear that certain behaviors, such as those we see with drug abuse and compulsive sexual behavior, cause neurological changes in the brain that progressively lead to addictive dependence. These brain changes also lead to tolerance and escalation. When tolerance occurs, more of the behavior/substance, or more intense versions of the behavior/substance, are needed to achieve the same result. Hence, escalation occurs.
Another factor common to substance addicts and sex addicts, and those who pair substance use with sex, is that the addictive behavior is primarily used as a mood changer. It is a way to mask emotional pain. With addictions, substances and sex become less about having fun and more about avoiding emotional discomfort. Thus, a major challenge of recovery from all addictions is learning how to experience in a healthy way the various emotions that bubble up once the numbing and distracting effects of an addiction are no longer available, such as what occurs with sobriety.
Another commonality of substance and sex addiction is family history. Addicts of all types typically share similar family-of-origin characteristics such as neglect, trauma, mental illness, significant losses, and the presence of multiple addictive or compulsive disorders present in the family.
Among adults who experienced familial dysfunction at an early age, there is often an inability to sustain intimacy in relationships due to a failure to trust others enough to form a bond with them. Hence, there is a tendency toward emotional escape through addiction rather than healthy coping mechanisms. Basically, a person’s inability to sustain intimacy results in addictive behavior being used to numb the pain of feeling disconnected in addition to other forms of emotional discomfort.
Addictions of all types compensate for the inability of an individual to adequately bond in intimate relationships. Worse yet, addictions tend to impair the intimacy concerns that are already present. As such, the ultimate goal for treating addiction is helping clients form enduring and trusting intimate connections with others—and, I would add, an intimate connection with themselves.
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If you or a loved one are struggling with sex, porn, or substance/sex addiction, Seeking Integrity can help. In addition to residential rehab, we offer low-cost online workgroups for male sex addicts and male porn addicts new to recovery. Click HERE for information on our Sex Addiction Workgroup. Click HERE for information on our Porn Addiction workgroup.