Prodependence vs. Codependence
If you’re a betrayed partner, especially if your significant other is sex, porn, or substance addicted, you’ve probably had someone suggest that you read up on codependency and that you start attending Codependents Anonymous meetings.
You will not hear those suggestions from Seeking Integrity. We are not fans of the codependency model. We feel that it is blaming and shaming toward you as a betrayed partner, holding you responsible for what happened when your only sin is loving a person who made some mistakes or is suffering from an addiction.
Codependency would tell you to detach with love, to leave your partner, to let them sink or swim on their own. Codependency would tell you that you love too much, and it’s hurting both you and your partner.
We think that’s a load of you-know-what. We think it’s not possible to love too much. We think it’s crazy to suggest to you that you walk away from a loved one when they’re struggling and finally trying to do something about it.
But what’s the alternative, you ask? Well, we have an answer, courtesy of our Chief Clinical Officer Dr. Robert Weiss, and that answer is prodependence.
What Is Prodependence?
Prodependence is a new concept in addiction healthcare, intended to improve how therapists treat loved ones of addicts and other troubled people. With its attachment-positive focus, prodependence pushes aside the flaws of codependency, which generally leave loved ones of cheaters and addicts feeling confused and misunderstood rather than supported and validated. In short, prodependence chooses to celebrate and value your desire stay connected no matter what, while providing you with a skillset to do so in the healthiest possible way.
To learn more about prodependence, we suggest you pick up a copy of Dr. Rob’s book, Prodependence: Beyond the Myth of Codependency, and that you attend at least a few of our free online webinars and discussion groups on prodependence.
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If you or a loved one are struggling with sexual addiction, Seeking Integrity can help. For Betrayed Partners, we offer free webinars and discussion groups, and a low-cost online workgroup series that participants find incredibly helpful. The next session starts June 14. Click HERE for information.