Dr. Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT

All addictive behaviors are cyclical in nature, with no clear beginning or end to the cycle and one stage leading to the next (and then the next, and the next, and the next). Over time, addicts of all types find themselves stuck in an endless, downwardly spiraling loop.

With porn addiction, various models of the addictive cycle have been proposed. We prefer the six-stage model discussed below.

• Triggers (Shame/Anxiety/Depression/Other Strong Emotions): Triggers are catalysts that create a need/desire to use porn. Triggers can be internal (feelings) or external (people, places, events). Internal triggers are typically some sort of emotional discomfort—shame, fear, loneliness, boredom, anxiety, depression, stress, resentment, etc. External triggers tend to be things like visual stimuli, unstructured free time, arguments, and the like. Many triggers are intertwined, both internal and external in nature. For example, arguing with a spouse is an external event that typically creates all sorts of emotional discomfort; thus, the addict may experience both an external and an internal trigger. It is important to note that not all triggers are negative. Positive feelings and events can also serve as triggers. For example, if an addict gets fired from their job, they may be triggered to use porn. And if that same addict gets a great new job, they may again be triggered to use porn.
• Fantasy: After being triggered in some way, addicts will automatically and often unconsciously start thinking about how much they enjoyed past porn use and how much they would enjoy more porn either right now or in the near future. At this point, they become preoccupied, perhaps to the point of obsession, with porn-related fantasies. It is important to note that an addict’s fantasies do not involve memories of bad experiences or unwanted consequences. In fantasies, everyone is hot, everyone says yes, and nothing bad ever happens. Once addicts are mired in sexual fantasies, it is difficult to stop the cycle. More importantly, the fantasy stage is the beginning of the emotionally escapist neurochemical high—i.e., the bubble.
• Ritualization: Ritualization is where fantasy moves toward reality. This stage adds excitement, intensity, and arousal to the addict’s high. For porn addicts, ritualization may include things like logging on to the computer for legitimate purposes like checking email as a precursor to porn use. As with fantasy, real-world issues and concerns (the addict’s emotional triggers) steadily disappear as the addict focuses more and more intently on sexual fantasies and behaviors. With ritualization, addicts move deeper into the bubble.
• Acting Out (Porn Use): Along with fantasy and ritualization, this stage of the cycle provides porn addicts with an escapist neurochemical high. Being in the bubble of sexual fantasy, much more so than actual sexual gratification, is the true objective of addictive porn use. Many porn addicts will put off masturbation and orgasm for as long as possible because orgasm ends their escapist high and tosses them back into the real world. Orgasm brings the ongoing high of porn addiction to an abrupt, screeching halt.
• Numbing (Denial): After acting out with porn, users may attempt to distance themselves emotionally from what they’ve just done. Some addicts engage in denial (discussed later in this chapter) as a way to temporarily protect them from the next stage. Others will numb out with another addiction—drinking, smoking pot, etc. Still others will become a “good boy,” suddenly going back to the gym, doing chores around the house, focusing extra hard on work, etc. Of course, all of these efforts are only a temporary reprieve from the next stage of the cycle.
• Despair (Shame/Anxiety/Depression/Other Strong Emotions): When numbing dissipates, addicts experience shame and remorse. Exacerbating these unwanted emotions is the fact that they also feel powerless to stop their cycle of porn use. Plus, whatever it was that triggered them toward porn use in the first place (loneliness, boredom, anxiety, stress, or whatever) is likely still there. With all of this going on, addicts suddenly find themselves re-triggered and ready to spin the cycle once more.

Typically, the cycle of porn addiction intensifies over time. Users require more of the same types of pornography or more intense forms of pornography to reach and maintain the desired neurochemical high. This transforms the cycle from a repetitive loop into a downward spiral leading to relationship, work, health, financial, legal, and other crises.

The cycle of addictive porn use is best interrupted in the triggers stage. If addicts learn to recognize their triggers (emotional discomfort, certain people/places, events, etc.), they can engage in contrary actions that help them deal with uncomfortable feelings (their triggers) in a healthy way rather than moving forward into fantasy, ritualization, and acting out.

It is possible for addicts to stop the cycle if it has progressed into fantasy and even into the ritual stage, but doing so becomes progressively more difficult. The deeper into the cycle a porn addict gets, the harder it is to intervene. As the cycle progresses, it gathers momentum like a boulder rolling down a hill, and at some point using porn is almost inevitable.

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If you or a loved one are struggling with sex, porn, or substance/sex addiction, Seeking Integrity can help. In addition to residential rehab, we offer low-cost online workgroups for male sex addicts and male porn addicts new to recovery. Click HERE for information on our Sex Addiction Workgroup. Click HERE for information on our Porn Addiction workgroup.