Dr. Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT
Porn addicts typically lead stressful, highly compartmentalized lives. Because they feel so much personal, cultural, religious, and moralistic shame about their porn use, they hide their behavior from family, friends, and everyone else who matters to them. And shame is not the only consequence porn addicts experience. One study of sex and porn addicts identified the following consequences:
Shame: 70.5:
Low Self-Esteem: 65.0%
Mental Health Issues: 49.8%
Loss of a Relationship: 46.5%
Sexual Dysfunction: 26.7%
Serious Suicidality: 19.4%
Sexually Transmitted Diseases: 19.4%
Other (Non-STD) Physical Health Problems: 15.7%
Debt: 14.7%
Impaired Parenting: 14.7%
Legal Actions Against: 06.0%
Loss of Employment: 04.1%
Press Exposure: 00.9%
As stated above, porn addicts often feel personal, cultural, religious, and moralistic shame about their behavior. If they were raised in a home or a religion or a culture that frowns upon porn use, they can’t help but feel defective and “less than” for viewing it. And even if they were not externally shamed for using pornography, they may feel internal shame about it, especially if pornography is their primary or only sexual outlet. In such cases, they may feel lonely and embarrassed about their perceived failure to engage sexually in the real world. Over time, this can eat away at them, diminishing their self-esteem in all areas of life.
Another major consequence is relationship woes, which we believe may be under-reported in the study referenced above because porn addiction, in addition to upsetting an addict’s existing primary partner, may also prevent the formation of a relationship in the first place. It is the second part that we believe is not sufficiently addressed in this study.
Other research also finds strong links between the heavy/addictive use of pornography and diminished relationship satisfaction. In our experience, what happens with heavy/addictive porn use is porn becomes progressively more important in the user’s life, with other aspects of healthy living and healthy relationships pushed to the side. (This distancing from life also occurs with other addictions.)
With porn addiction, long-term relationships eventually take a back seat to pornography. And with this, such relationships cannot help but suffer on multiple levels. At the very least, there is a loss of trust wrought by the addict’s secrets and lies about porn use. This alone is more than enough to create emotional and even physical distance between partners. So, unsurprisingly, relational satisfaction takes a nosedive. In fact, research tells us that heavy porn use almost doubles the likelihood of a married couple getting divorced in the next four-year period.
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If you or a loved one are struggling with sex, porn, or substance/sex addiction, Seeking Integrity can help. In addition to residential rehab, we offer low-cost online workgroups for male sex addicts and male porn addicts new to recovery. Click HERE for information on our Sex Addiction Workgroup. Click HERE for information on our Porn Addiction workgroup.