Scott Brassart

Why do people decide to quit porn? It’s an interesting question, and after speaking with countless individuals (mostly men) on webinars, in drop-in discussion groups, in online workgroups, and at our Seeking Integrity: Los Angeles treatment center, it seems that there are multiple answers to this seemingly simple query. Generally, however, people decide to step back from pornography for one or more of the following reasons.

Porn is Impacting Their Relationship: Many people want to quit using porn because it is negatively impacting their relationship. Sometimes, their partner knows about the porn and objects, and continued use is creating emotional (and perhaps sexual) distance in the relationship. Other times, the user has kept his or her porn use secret, and because of this the user feels less emotionally connected in the relationship. Either way, porn use may be sapping sexual energy and pleasure in the relationship, which impacts both the porn user and the partner.

Moral and/or Religious Objections: Using porn creates a values conflict for some individuals. Usually, their religion, upbringing, or core sense of morality tells them that porn is a sin, or wrong, or harmful to those who are in it, etc. Basically, they just don’t feel good about using it, and they want to stop. The internal shame they feel is not worth the momentary pleasures they derive.

Sexual Dysfunction: One of the most common consequences of heavy porn use by males is sexual dysfunction. This can manifest as erectile dysfunction (ED), delayed ejaculation (DE), and even anorgasmia (inability to reach orgasm). This is true for men of all ages, including physically healthy men in their sexual prime.

Common signs of porn-induced sexual dysfunction include:

• The user can achieve and maintain an erection with porn, but not a real-world partner.
• The user prefers ‘porn sex’ to real-world sexual encounters.
• Reaching orgasm, especially with a real-world partner, takes a long time.
• The user can only reach orgasm with a real-world partner if he replays porn imagery in his mind.
• Real-world partners complain that the user seems disconnected during sex.

Based on both research and anecdotal evidence, it appears the issue here is not the frequency of orgasm (the need for a refractory period after reaching orgasm). Rather, it seems that porn users become conditioned to the sexual intensity (the neurochemical rush of dopamine, adrenaline, and related neurochemicals) that occurs in conjunction with the endless, constantly changing stream of online pornography. As they get used to that rush, they come to expect it whenever they are sexual, but a single real-world partner, no matter how attractive and loved, simply cannot trigger that level of intensity. Hence, issues with sexual dysfunction.

Addiction: Porn addiction, recently codified by the World Health Organization in the International Classification of Diseases (the ICD-11) as Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD), is increasingly common in the digital era. For a porn addiction (CSBD) diagnosis, the following criteria must be met.

• Preoccupation to the point of obsession with pornography.
• Loss of control over porn use, typically evidenced by multiple failed attempts to cut back or quit.
• Directly related negative life consequences, such as trouble at work or in school, relationship woes, depression, anxiety, social and emotional isolation, financial issues, legal problems, loss of interest in previously enjoyable hobbies and activities, etc.

If you find that you want to quit using pornography for any of the reasons listed above (or any of a hundred other perfectly valid reasons), you may find that doing so is not as easy as simply saying you’re going to quit. It’s possible you’ll stop for a few days or even a few weeks, but then find yourself online using porn again. If so, Seeking Integrity can help. Our sister website, SexandRelationshipHealing.com, offers numerous free resources, including webinars, discussion groups, blogs, podcasts, daily inspirations, and more. And Seeking Integrity offers both inpatient treatment for men and low-cost online workgroups for both men and women.