Tami VerHelst
If you’re partnered with a sex, porn, or substance/sex addict, you know what intimate betrayal feels like. And you know that it’s miserable. It’s like you’ve been hit by a truck, but emotionally rather than physically.
At Seeking Integrity, we understand that the rage, tears, fear, pleading, emotional instability, and even vindictiveness you’re feeling are an inevitable and even expected response to your partner’s betrayal. Most likely, you’re questioning not only your partner’s sexual behaviors but everything about him. You may find that you simply can’t trust a single thing that he says or does, or that he’s ever said and done. And it may feel as if your trust in him can never be restored.
Stated another way, you are likely experiencing symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), such as flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, hypervigilance, depression, lack of focus, and extreme mood swings. If so, this is normal for a betrayed partner. And it’s not your fault!
Once again, at Seeking Integrity, we understand this. In fact, unlike other addiction treatment programs, we have a Family Therapist solely dedicated to the inclusion and involvement of betrayed partners in the addict’s treatment process. More importantly, we use a prodependent lens when working with betrayed partners, meaning we work to provide support, insight, education, and hope, rather than blaming and shaming you (as your partner and, perhaps, others in your support network, even your therapist, may be doing).
Unlike other programs, we do not ever seek to explore or shame a betrayed partner’s history of personal concerns. Our belief is that betrayed partners are not the problem; rather, they have been victimized and traumatized by the problematic behaviors and hurtful actions of their loved one, and now they find themselves in the midst of a life-crisis that’s not of their own making.
At Seeking Integrity, we make sure your concerns are heard and understood by your addicted partner. To this end, you are actively invited into the treatment process. First, you provide a letter outlining how the addition/infidelity has affected you that is read aloud and processed in therapy. As treatment progresses, your goals and need for relational safety (your healthy boundaries) are taken into account. Additionally, your partner’s aftercare plan is shared and discussed with you so you know what to expect from him post-treatment.
Most importantly, we understand that betrayed partners both need and deserve social support and guidance as they walk through the crisis and trauma of betrayal. To that end, we provide FREE webinars, facilitated discussion groups, reading material, podcasts, and even videos useful to betrayed partners through Seeking Integrity’s free resource website, sexandrelationshiphealing.com.
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If you or someone you care about wants to become more securely attached, Seeking Integrity can help. Whether you are an addict or a betrayed partner, our low-cost online workgroups are a great option. Our next Betrayed Partners workgroup starts soon. Click here for information.